


Suddenly

by Thegingercowphan



Category: Phan
Genre: 2015! Dan, 2015! Phil, Dan Howell - Freeform, Dan Howell and Phil Lester - Freeform, Dil Howlter - Freeform, M/M, Phan - Freeform, Phanfiction, Phil Lester - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-07-26
Updated: 2015-08-21
Packaged: 2018-04-11 08:21:26
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 15
Words: 5,656
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4428218
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Thegingercowphan/pseuds/Thegingercowphan
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Dan Howell and Phil Lester are best friends, and everyone knows it. They live together and work together and do everything together. Of course, when you work and live and do everything together, it is not ideal when you develop deeper feelings.</p><p>(Aka the first phanfic I've ever written :))) )</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. One

DAN'S P.O.V 

I woke up at around 10 o'clock to a soft thud on my door, and then three quiet knocks. 

I swallowed, my eyes widening. My heart started thudding like a running horse.

I'll admit it, I've got a gigantic, schoolgirl crush on my flatmate. I've known him for six years and I still have a crush on him. I have ever since we met in real life, and I still admire every tiny thing he does. Pathetic, I know. But I can't help it! He's just so- ARRGGGHH! 

"Dan? Dan are you awake?" He opened the door a crack, letting himself in after seeing me hide, in an attempt to disappear under my duvet, due to my looking like a hobbit in the morning. 

'Damn you, curly hair...' I thought to myself, groaning. 

"No." I replied in a sleepy tone, clearly not wanting to be a grownup. 

"Dan, do you want cereal?" He asked, standing fully in my room now. 

I'm surprised he couldn't hear my heart thudding from the doorway. 

"Sure. What cereal do we have?" I asked, rubbing the sleep from the corners of my eyes. 

"Ahh- Hm... Hold on." Phil said, and he padded off to the kitchen. "Ah, Lucky Charms, and Shreddies." He yelled from the kitchen. 

"Okay, uhm... Lucky Charms it is." I replied, sitting on my bed and stretching. 

I got up and grabbed a tee-shirt, just an old one that I could wear around the house until I got dressed in proper clothes. 

I attempted to fix my hair as much as I could without straightening it, the damn curly mess. But, of course, I'm a hobbit, and I cannot tame it without straightening it. 

I walked into the kitchen and found Phil, with two bowls of freshly made cereal, and I took the bowl of Lucky Charms. 

We sat down in the lounge and began watching the British Bake-Off, Phil laughing at some of the chef's mistakes and quotes.   
But, as you can guess, I wasn't watching the television. 

He has the most beautiful eyes I have ever seen, you know that? They're like little oceans you wish you could swim in. I love his laugh, too. I love everything about him, you name it, I love it. Hell, I even love him when we're arguing. 

Problem is, I don't think he has any idea that any of these feelings exist.   
In his little world, our friendship is as platonic as can be. He has no idea how much I admire him, or how proud of him I am, or how beautiful he really is. He has no clue.   
And poor me, I'm left in the dark. 

I wanna know everything about him.   
I wanna know what he thinks about first in the morning, right when he wakes up, when the morning light hits his pale face.   
I wanna know what the last thing he thinks of before going to sleep is, and everything inbetween.  
I wanna know what got him to start making YouTube videos, that first thought, the first, 'Yeah, that sounds fun!'  
I wanna know what he thinks of America, his true thoughts, I want to know how many children he wants, and when he thinks he will get a pet, and how to make his day the best it can possibly be. 

I want to hug him when he's sad, kiss his forehead, and put his head in the crook of my neck, tell him it's gonna be alright and kiss him like there's no world around us, I want it all. 

But I can't have it.


	2. Two

Once I decided I was done making myself jealous of the person who got to spend their life with Phil, I announced that I was going to shower, and placed my bowl in the sink. I walked off towards my bedroom, and sat down on my bed. I placed my head in my hands, and sighed. 'Too perfect.' I thought, and went on to shower. 

Once I was done showering, I padded off towards my bedroom and got dressed, and proceeded to sit down on my bed again. London is a busy place, and I could hear sirens screeching right outside my window. "Oh, shut up..." I muttered, and stood up to get my straighteners, and straightened the hobbity mess. 

I walked into the lounge to see Phil, who hadn't gotten ready yet, and was wearing his glasses and pajamas still. He looked so amused, sitting there on Tumblr. I settled into my sofa crease, and every now and again I would turn my head and see him giggling about something on the screen. 'Probably Tumblr..." I thought to myself, shaking away any other creepy thoughts about what was on the screen. 

We stayed there for a bit, until he got up to shower, and I stayed in my spot, and began watching the first PINOF.   
I remember making it, it seemed like just yesterday that we set up his camera in his bedroom and made total fools of ourselves, sporting the sharpie cat whiskers. I remember when he gave the little smirk and tackled me, when I was wishing he would kiss me. All he did was just hug me, tight. It still felt great, don't get me wrong, I just felt like he had put up a barrier. 

I mean, who am I kidding, we can't be a couple. It would interfere with our professional lives, wouldn't it? We can't be all cuddly on screen like some other couples can, because there are homophobic people in our audience, although we don't agree with that belief, we don't wanna teach them otherwise, and imagine the hate we would get, and the loss of subscribers, and all of the reviews that would go down... 

But also imagine all of the supporters. More people than I can count would support us being in a relationship, and our audience would be so happy...

But there's one thing left.  
Phil.  
Does he like me back? Probably not. Does he want to be my boyfriend? Probably not, especially if he doesn't like me back. Does he even know I have these feelings? Not a chance. 

When the video was over, I shut my laptop and stood up, earning a headrush, sending little black spots to cloud my vision. I groaned, and leaned back on the sofa, and once the tiny headache was gone, I walked over towards my bedroom and laid my laptop down on the nightstand. 

Sitting down at my desk, I began to daydream. 

What would Phil's lips feel like on mine?   
What would he say if he found out about me...?  
Would he react badly? Would he hate me?   
Get over yourself, Dan. He's your best friend. He might not love you like you love him but he loves you. And there isn't a chance that he would just up and leave you for being gay. Not a chance. Phil's too nice of a guy to do that. 

***

It was almost nine o'clock now, it was getting late. I got caught up in my thoughts for God knows how long, and I finally made a decision.   
I've been sad about Phil for too long now.   
It was time to tell him. 

I was sitting on my bed. I stood, straightened my shirt, and fixed my hair in the mirror.   
I started towards Phil's bedroom, and knocked twice. 

"Yeah?" I heard him say. 

"Can I come in?" I asked, leaning against the door frame. 

"Uh- wait a second- yeah okay." He replied, and I slowly opened the door. 

"Hi." I said. Phil was sat on his bed, with his laptop. 

"Are you okay? You look a bit flustered." Phil replied, furrowing his brow. 

That was all it took. I burst into tears, sitting down on the edge of Phil's bed. He shut his laptop and set it next to him on the bed.   
"I'm not okay." I replied between sobs, my barrier breaking. 

"Dan, talk to me." he replied, quietly. He scooted over towards me and looked at me in the face. I looked back up at him. 

"I have to tell you something, and I don't think you're gonna like it..." 

"Uh, okay, what is it? " He replied after a second. 

I waited for a second before doing anything, I tried to think of something, something to say, but I couldn't. I couldn't tell him.   
I was getting cold feet, and I honestly had no idea what to do about it. 

I shook my head, and got up, closing the door behind me, and I walked back to my bedroom. I sat down on my bed once more and put my tear stained head in my hands.   
There was no way I could ever tell him now.   
He's just gonna ignore it. 

And that's when he knocked.   
"Dan, please talk to me." I heard him say, and I heard the soft thud of his forehead against my door.   
Maybe he did care...? 

"Fine. Open the door." I replied, wiping off my face, as if it would make any difference. He already saw me blubbering like an idiot. He opened the door and didn't hesitate to sit down in front of me, concern lacing his eyes. He looked adorable, his eyebrows drawn close from worry. It was sad, that I was making him worried, and I felt a pang of guilt. 

"Dan, please tell me why you're so upset. i hate to see you cry." He said. I swallowed hard, and smiled a bit. 

"Phil, I'm in love." I said, simply. He looked confused, and I swear I saw so many emotions flash behind his eyes. He was happy, then sad, then confused, then nothing at all. 

"Why are you crying then?" He asked, furrowing his brow once again. 

"They don't love me back." I replied, releasing a sigh, shakily. Phil ran a hand through his fringe, and he looked even more confused. 

"Well, who is it?" He replied, his look sticking like stone.   
I huffed a bit, sadly smiling and shaking my head as another tear fell. "Dan..." He said, his look softening.   
And then I saw him lean in.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello again! Holy cow, I can't believe I got 65 hits in one day! Like seriously, what?! But anyway, thank you so much for reading, and I hope you enjoyed this chapter. Oh, also, I told you I update a lot! :)   
> (PS: Your hair looks really good today. :) )


	3. Three

I put my hands on Phil's shoulders and gently pushed him away. He was only going to kiss me out of pity, and both of us would regret that for the rest of our lives. Phil looked at me, confusion flashing behind his eyes. 

"Don't..." I mumbled, and turned away from him. Next thing I know, he's walking back to his bedroom, and I'm sitting alone, with chapped lips and a broken heart. 

Any other person in my position would have just full-blown make out with him, but the issue is, I know he doesn't love me back. If I kiss him, he's gonna feel bad and apologize and I am never in the mood for rejection. 

I'm crying again, he's all I want and I can't have it. You might be thinking, 'Oh, get over it, Daniel. He's just a boy.' The thing is, I've tried so many times to get over him, but when you spend all of your time every day with that man, everything he does seems like magic to you. Every movement his mouth makes is a beautiful poem, every witty thing he comes up with is a masterpiece. Everything they do is so perfect, and if you've ever been in that situation, you know what that feels like. 

Every morning, I wake up and think about him. Every night, he is the last thing I think about before darkness hugs me like a bear.   
I love him.   
I fucking love him, and I can't do anything about it.   
And it hurts, because sometimes I'll find him reading a fanfiction about us, and he'll be laughing at how unrealistic it is, but the thing is, I want that to be real. I don't mean that he is a highschooler with me and we met in detention and had to hide our blooming love from my overly homophobic parents, but the love part sounds amazing. 

The only thing I want is Phil, Phil, and just Phil.   
I want Phil from Amazingphil.   
Phil from all the PINOFs.   
Phil from DanandPhilGames.   
Phil from the SuperAmazingProject.  
Phil from BBC Radio 1. 

Wherever Phil is, I want to be.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello! I hope you're having a good day. Sorry that was such a short chapter, I really didn't need to fit a whole lot into that one. Anyways, thank you so much for all the kudos and over a hundred hits! I love when people leave nice comments on my work, it makes me happy. I hope you are enjoying this story so far. It's really fun to write. :) Have a great day!  
> -Scarlett


	4. Four

The next week was the most awkward and uncomfortable experience ever. 

Phil and I attempted to act like nothing happened, like he didn't try to kiss me, but it was impossible. Every time I saw his face, the memory of him leaning in and me pushing him away replays in my mind, the pure hurt on his face, even though God knows he doesn't love me back. 

Pity kiss, that's what he was going for. It's really just kind of a placebo effect, he doesn't actually feel the same way towards me, but seeing the tears streaming down my face made him snap and think that kissing me might help.  
But I'm not stupid.  
I know that he's not either, but he's not gonna trick me with a placebo kiss. 

We spoke every so often, but almost never made direct eye contact or physical contact. 

It was painfully awkward.  
I want the old Phil back. 

When I went to bed on Saturday, I was just starting to drift off to sleep, when I heard the faint sound of someone sobbing. Of course, I don't believe in ghosts, and I only have one flatmate...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Whoop de doo woohoo  
> I got you four chapters in four days how bout that  
> HIIIIII! I can't believe that in the span of 24 hours I got over sixty hits! I have never gotten that many hits/reads in such a small span of time. This is so exciting!  
> You should go look at my Tumblr and Instagram, and probably Wattpad as well, I read a lot more stories on there. My Wattpad username is the same as my AO3 name, so that's pretty easy, and my Tumblr is www.tardis-221.tumblr.com. My Phan/Lana/P!ATD/TOP/Ukulele appreciation/spam account is @amazinglanaukeinof . Sooooo yeah if you wanna find me in any of those places, go ahead! My Instagram is fairly new so I really do not have very many followers :/ I just saw Paper Towns... Don't kill me, it was pretty good, but I was slightly disappointed. I don't know what I expected... Anyway, have a great rest of your day/night!  
> EDIT:  
> OH SHUT UP I KNOW I MESSED UP THE CHAPTERS IM SORRY   
> I FIXED THEM   
> Love ya!  
> -Scarlett


	5. Five

Why was Phil crying? I decided to text him, and see if he was alright. 

Dan: Phil, are you alright?

Phil: (. . .)

The typing dots kept reappearing, and I finally settled on knocking on his door. I could still hear him crying, just softer now, but he was still crying for sure...

"Phil, I can hear you crying, let me in." I said gently. 

"No, Dan, I'm fine." 

"Phil, please open the door." I said, leaning against the wall next to his doorframe.

"Dan, please just go, I'm fine." I heard him say, sniffing and huffing. 

"Phil, no you're not, I'm coming in." I said, pressing my body against the door and opening it. 

I saw a very tired and sad looking Phil sitting on his bed, with his laptop open in front of him, his head against the backboard. His fringe was messy and there were stray hairs strewn all around his head, kind of like bedhead. His eyes were red and slightly swollen, and it was even more obvious that he was crying. 

"Phil, why are you crying?" I ask, my tone quiet and gentle. I sat down on the end of the bed, my brow furrowing. Why the hell is he crying? Honestly I should be the one crying, but my cheeks are dry. 

"Why do you care? You pushed me away..." He said quietly, rubbing his eyes. 

Huh?

"What?" 

"Oh, don't play dumb, Dan. I tried to kiss you, you pushed me off." He spat, coldly. 

"But... placebo kiss...?" I muttered, confused by his sudden outburst. 

"What?" He calmed down a bit, his face softening. 

"I told you I loved you, and you tried to kiss me... I thought it was just a placebo kind of thing, you know, I say I'm in love with you, and you are so overcome by this new information that you think you're in love with me too, but really it's just your inner teenager speaking." I say, hoping he gets the gist of what I mean. 

He scoffed.

"Placebo kiss." He muttered, wiping his tear stained cheeks with his left hand. 

"Was it not...?" I ask slowly, not wanting a bad reaction, and his face softens once more. 

"Of course not."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Juicy juicy drama, eh?   
> Don't worry I still love you people.   
> I'm tired and I accidentally wrote too long of a chapter and so I'm splitting it up into like three or four chapters so I don't end this story with like ten chapters.   
> So yeah, that't where this is goin'.   
> Have a great rest of your night/day!  
> -A very tired ginger


	6. Six

My heart leaped.

"If I didn't already have feelings I would've realized what I was doing in the middle of it, and stopped it before you pushed me away." He said quietly, and his cheeks were drenched again. My stomach was burning from this new information, causing my cheeks and ears to turn pink.

"Phil... I'm nothing to cry over." 

"Nice try, Daniel, I have every reason to cry over you." 

"Name three." 

"Fine."

"Then do it." 

"One: I wish I could've approached the kiss better... Maybe it would've ended less messy. Two: I can't stand the idea of you not wanting to be around me. Three: I can't have you anymore, Dan, and it kills me." 

And then there was silence. Complete silence, and I loved it. It wasn't awkward, it was comfortable, but sort of... Tense. Like there was a lot of unsolved problems between us.  
And there were. 

So I leaned in and gave Phil a hug.  
A really big, long hug. And he cried into my shoulder as I rocked us back and forth, side to side, hoping I could get him to calm down.  
But he wouldn't.  
Every rock, every whisper, every pat, he would just sob harder and harder at. 

"Phil, don't ever avoid me like that again. If there are issues you wanna talk about, anything, anything at all, I will help you. Just please don't beat yourself up about it, okay?" 

"Mmhm." I heard him hum into my shoulder, once he had calmed down a little bit. 

"You know I love you, right?" I heard him whisper into my shirt.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So sad, this story might be coming to a close within very few chapters.  
> I'll try to drag it on as long as I can, just for you, babe.  
> Okay so I'm really sorry for not updating like I usually do... I go nuts when I write and I was at camp for a few days. I was very dirty when I got back and I felt like a caveman. We couldn't shower at all, so we just wiped down with baby wipes and we were pretty okay.   
> I think I'll try a QOTC. Comment your answer, I'm curious.  
> If you could have any three celebrities (YouTubers included.) sit at your dinner table, who would you choose?  
> Me: Dan, Phil, Tyler Oakley.  
> Best dinner ever.  
> -A slightly too tired Scarrrlllletttt


	7. Seven

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Haiiiii! I hope your day went well, mine sure did! This is gonna be a short chapter, I've got major writer's block!This is the first time I've put an author's note at the beginning of a chapter, but I also just wanted to say...  
> HOLY SHIT I HAVE 410+ READS OHMYGAWWWDDDDD I'M DEAD THANK YOU SO MUCH! I'm so effing happy about this holy shlit.   
> Comment your eye color so I don't get lonely :(  
> -Mehhh

I nearly croaked, I was so excited.   
I just got with him, and he already tells me he loves me... 

"Yeah." I whispered back, feeling his hair with my hand. 

This boy.  
This crying boy, resting in my arms, sniffling and huffing into my shirt.   
He smells like raspberries and comfort, I don't know how someone can smell like comfort, but he sure as hell does. 

As we sit there, rocking back and forth, I realize something.   
This is too good to be true.   
My best friend, my flatmate, is sitting in his bedroom with me, hugging me around the middle, and right as I was basking in all of the glory of this situation, the whole thing dissolved. 

I woke up, heaving and sweating in my bed, and I choked out a sob.   
I could never be with Phil, that whole thing was a dream.   
I loved him and I couldn't have him.   
It's just a horrible circle.


	8. Eight

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Whoops  
> OKAY QUICK THING!  
> 1) I FREAKIN LOVE P!ATD OKAY  
> 2) NOBODY EVER COMMENTS AND IT MAKES ME SAD   
> I GET SUPER INSECURE ABOUT THIS STORY SO PLEASE, PLEASE, PLEASE COMMMEEENNNNNTTTTTT  
> IT WOULD MAKE ME SO HAPPY   
> I WILL REPLY TO YOU I PROMISE   
> THANK YOU SO MUCH PLEASE COMMEENNNNTTTT  
> (PS Hai if you're coming from my instagram... I apologize for my terrible spams.) ILYSM   
> -SCARLETT

God fucking dammit!   
I just dreamed up the best thing that would ever happen to me, and I woke the fuck up.   
Why don't I just tell him already?  
I might as well just trot on over there and ask him if he loves me.   
Maybe that'll do the job. 

I psych myself up, ready to march to Phil's door and tell him, but then I check my phone.   
It's 5:03 in the morning, I can't get him up now. 

There isn't any hope of me falling back asleep, so I sit down on my bed and open my laptop, going through Tumblr as usual.   
Going through the phan tag was like hell for me.   
I don't even know why I'm still scrolling, I need to do something else. 

I go on YouTube and watch DanandPhilGames. I like seeing us bond over a fictional character, you know? 

I realize that I've been looking at DanandPhilGames for over two hours, as my eyelids began to close and feel heavy. 

I place my laptop on the bed next to me and I snuggle back into my bed and sigh.   
Another sigh.   
And another.   
And another.   
They're getting faster, and now I'm sobbing. I'm sobbing into my duvet and I feel as though I've hit rock bottom, all of this is caused by Phil. Why can't I just get over him, like any other human being would? Can't I just realize he'd be so much happier with me as nothing more than a best friend, can't I just think rationally for once? 

Eventually I cry myself to sleep, which granted me a throbbing pain in the center of my forehead when I awoke three hours later.

I threw on a shirt and headed to the kitchen, where I found Phil, getting two mugs for coffee. 

"Morning." He said, cheerfully. Even if I did feel like a sack of shit, he still made me smile. 

"Morning." I croaked, earning a confused look from Phil.

"Have you lost your voice?" He asked, turning towards me. 

"I must've just gotten a bit hoarse, I'm fine, I promise." I said, as Phil smiled at me and returned to his quest for coffee. 

It was nearly silent, and I decided to make myself useful, and started with our cereals. I poured myself some Lucky Charms, and Phil took the opportunity to shake his head and chuckle at my delicious choice. 

After pouring him some Frosted Shreddies I took my place, seated on the couch. 

The next few minutes were silent, apart from the quiet noise from the television, displaying the Great British Bake Off, and the occasional laughing Phil. 

And then he placed his bowl down and turned down the volume on the television. 

"You okay?" I asked, turning towards Phil. 

"Dan, I could hear you last night."


	9. Nine

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi.  
> It's me, and today's chapter is gonna be kinda angsty... So sorry if you're not into that kinda thing.  
> I'm just in the mood for stress-relieving angry stuff because I'm super stressed right now, I'm not sure if any of you know about this, but we bred my dog and she recently had a litter of 11 puppies, which is a lot, so I have to take care of them a lot and it's just really stressful. Anywho, enjoy some fighting.  
> Oh also, THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR 500+ HITS AHHHHHH  
> (PS- You look gorgeous/ extremely handsome today. Rock it.)  
> -love you, Scarlett.

I froze.  
Of course he heard me.  
Of course. 

I couldn't say anything, no words would come out.

Okay, at least he didn't know what I was crying about, right? He had no idea that it was over a stupid little crush and a little stupid dream. I can get through this. 

"Dan, please tell me why you were sobbing in the middle of the night. It really worries me." 

All that came out was a small croaking noise, most likely because I was holding my breath. 

"Uh- um..." I couldn't form words properly. 

"Dan, don't try and play it off as if it didn't happen. I just wanna help you out."

Damn. Someone really wants to be a good person... 

"I- I just... Sometimes I have stuff that I don't really wanna-um share, you know? Like- stuff that happens that I just wanna keep to myself." I managed to choke that out, but my breath hitched in my throat a few times, causing me to pause. 

"Is it really worth sobbing about in the middle of the night?" He asked quietly. 

"Look who's talking..." I managed to mutter, but then I realized that happened merely in a dream. 

"Huh?" 

"Fuck, nothing, forget I said that." I said, wiping off my eyes. 

"Dan, will you please, please, pleaaase tell me? I just wanna help you! It clearly was about something important if you were sobbing." 

"Phil, I already told you, I don't want to share. If I told you you'd think I was being silly or something." 

"I beg to differ." 

"You know what? If I tell you, this is exactly what you'll say.  
'OHH DAN, WHY ARE YOU CRYING OVER A SILLY LITTLE THING LIKE THAT? I'M REALLY NOTHING TO CRY OVER!' Yes you are, Phil, yes you fucking are!" 

Oops. It just kind of came out. He gave me this look, this look that made me cringe. He looked confused, but at the same time like he understood finally. 

"You were crying over me?"


	10. Ten

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> What's up m9  
> Okay so real quick-  
> THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR 600+ READS THATS 400 MORE THAN MY FIRST FANFICTION EVER OHMYWOW THANK YOU TO THE PEOPLE THAT COMMENTED ON HERE BECAUSE IT MAKES ME SO FRIGGIN HAPPY WHEN YOU GUYS LEAVE KUDOS AND COMMENT  
> Okay so I hope you liked the last chapter... I'm very proud of it.I hope you'll enjoy the next chapter. Peace.

"Dan?" I heard him say again. "Dan? You zoned out and it's worrying me. Please say something." 

"Uh- um..." I found myself dumbfounded and unable to speak, once again. 

"Dan, please say something." 

"Nope." 

And with that I headed to the kitchen and placed my bowl in the sink, as Phil followed me. 

"What do you mean, 'nope'? You're not just gonna not tell me! Dan, where are you going?" Phil said, as I began walking up the stairs toward my bedroom. 

I stopped and turned around, and looked Phil right in his eyes. 

"That was exactly my plan. My business, not yours." 

I continued walking to my bedroom, and Phil kept following me. 

"Dan, why can't you just tell me? We've been best friends for years! Can't I just have a little respect?" 

I turned around once more, and now we were at the doorway to my bedroom. 

"Can't I just have a little privacy?" And with that I shut the door and got dressed for the day. 

I felt an odd sense of accomplishment for standing up for myself, even if it was because of Phil. I still felt a little guilty for leaving him on a cliffhanger, but what else could I have done?

After straightening out the hobbitty mess that was my hair, I sat at my desk and went on YouTube. Just kind of watching videos, not really doing anything specific. 

Aaaannndd of course, I hear four knocks on my door, and none other than Phil's voice asking for me to open it. 

"Business, Phil. Who's is it?" I replied, grinning. 

"Dan, I don't care if it's not my business, I wanna help you!" 

"Phil, stop trying!" I said, laughing. 

"Why the hell are you laughing? I'm trying to be a good friend and you're not letting me!" 

I chuckled once more and opened the door, and saw Phil standing before me, looking absolutely pissed. 

"Phil, obviously you should stop trying, if I'm laughing now it's because what happened last night doesn't matter anymore. I'm over it, and it didn't even happen to you, so you should be too. Will you please, please, pleaaase just leave me be? For me?" I pleaded, running a hand through my hair. 

"Fine." He huffed, as I closed the door and smiled again to myself.  
Maybe I was getting over him...?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well... That was long, wasn't it?  
> Fun.  
> I hope you enjoyed today's chapter, and if you want, you can go follow me on wattpad, @thegingercowphan. I've got a few stories on there.  
> Love you guys!  
> -Scarlett


	11. Eleven

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ayeeee  
> How you doin'? Ew no I'm sorry. Thank you so much for 620+ reads, it means so much that people have read my little phanfiction! Like I said in previous chapters, I have a wattpad account, @thegingercowphan . You should go check out my other things there. Anywho, keep being gorgeous/incredibly handsome and I hope you enjoy this chapter.  
> -Scarlett

The rest of the day was fine, I mostly stayed in my bedroom but I did some occasional snacking when I knew Phil wasn't there. 

That night we had dinner together, like always.  
And it was only slightly awkward. 

Well, not the end of dinner. But I'll get into that. 

We ordered a pizza and we were sat down at our dining table in silence, just eating our pizza. I noticed that Phil kept on glancing at me, so I waved at him every time he did.  
He didn't seem phased by it at all.

Finally I spoke up, and I just needed to be able to sleep tonight, I was starting to feel guilty. 

"Okay, Phil, you obviously want answers. So hit me with all the questions you got." 

Phil looked at me; dumbfounded, and started to get more comfortable in his seat. 

"'Not my business?'" 

"What kind of a question is that?" 

"Dan, come on." 

"Fine. I had a dream." 

"That made you cry?" 

"Yeah." I said, after a moment of hesitation. 

"And why exactly did this dream make you cry?" 

"You were in it." 

"Uh... Okay, continue...?" 

"And we got together." I whispered, my voice nearly inaudible over the sound of busy busy London. 

"What?" 

"I know, it's really weird." 

"No, I couldn't hear you."

"We got together." I said again, louder this time. 

"Like, we went out for dinner or something? Like, we hung out together?" 

"No, we... We kissed and... Just stuff happened and it was weird and when I woke up I cried." I said, huffing. This was embarrassing. 

"Dan..." 

"What?" 

"You told me a few days ago that you were in love with me." 

"I know." 

"Dan, please recap what happened in these past few days." 

What? Why am I even doing this? 

"I told you I loved you, and I didn't let you kiss me, and I didn't let you. I cried after having a dream, and you heard it and tried to see what I was crying about.

"Did it ever occur to you that I was planning on kissing you after you explained why you were crying?" 

"Huh?"


	12. Twelve

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Holy crabstickz! (Hehe) I have nearly 700 hits?! What?! Holy shite! Thank you so much for reading! But, all good things (mehhh??) must come to an end. This story should be ending within a few chapters and honestly I have no idea how I feel about that.   
> I might die on the inside, but who knows? Feel free to comment (Translation-PLEASE COMMENT!!IM LONELY AF) and ask for requests, I read and respond to almost all comments! (Unless I don't understand them because I am a dingus.) so please feel free to comment, my dears. Thank you fo much for reading, I love you so much! Thanks!   
> -A very appreciative Scarlett

"Do I have to spell it out for you Dan?" Phil huffed, and ran his hands through his hair, and stood, and I stood along with him, grabbing his hand, just as Phil was about to walk off. 

"No, Phil, please. We need to talk about this, I have been being really stupid about this and we just need to talk. I don't even get why we haven't yet, I hate fighting with you Phil." I said, rubbing his knuckles as I spoke, and we both sat back down. 

"I'm sorry-" 

"Please don't be, I've been a huge dick these past few days. I should be apologizing." I cut in, kind of interrupting him. 

"Dan, I have no clue what else to say other than I'm sorry. I shouldn't have tried to kiss you, you were in a bad state and I shouldn't have bugged you about you crying just to go make out with you. But I think that was a well deserved apology on both sides." 

"Fair point." I replied, and I looked him right in the eyes.

"Do you love me, Phil?" I asked, and his face became morphed into a sad smile. 

"What do you think?" 

"I don't have any idea what to think, Phil, that's why I'm asking you." I said quietly, and I rubbed my eyes. 

There was a long silence, and I was beginning to give up on my dream of him loving me back. It felt like someone had stuck a blunt knife right into my chest, and pulled it out and back in hundreds of times; slowly driving me insane. 

Until he spoke up, and the silence ended. 

"Yes."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Aiieeett! That was a short ass chapter! Shorter than me! (I'm 5'2".) thanks so much for reading. Like I said, please comment, I'm lonely af, and I am willing to take requests for oneshots or whatever you want me to write!   
> Thanks so much!   
> -Scarlett


	13. Thirteen

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys! How's it goin?  
> HOLY SHIT OVERNIGHT I GAINED A WHOLE BUNCH OF HITS THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR READING! Like I said, it means so much to me that this many people still wanna read this! It's coming to an end soon, just one more chapter left, so make sure you send me some requests for one shots and stuff! Btw, I also love doctor who and Sherlock, and I would be glad to write about either of those. I have a doctor who fic on my wattpad, which is the same as my AO3. Thanks!!!

My breath caught in my throat as I was engulfed in a huge hug, obviously from Phil, and I immediately hugged him back and wrapped my hands around his neck. 

I'm guessing this made us a couple...?   
But I'm not planning on telling any of the people in the Phandom just yet, I could lose a shit ton of viewers and so would Phil, (neither of us are homophobes but we know we have subscribers that are. Everyone does.) 

But I can't believe I cried over a dream even though within twenty four hours I'd be hugging the man of my dreams, the man that was in my dream. 

Damn, am I happy as balls right now.   
You could tell me you just killed a duck and I'd smile at you. 

I buried my face in the crook of his neck and felt happiness just come over me in waves.   
This- This is where I wanna be. This is where I wanna spend my life, my time, my money.   
Right here, in Phil's arms. 

I looked up at Phil and he looked like he had the same thoughts running through his head. 

I smiled, and he did the same. I placed my head on his shoulder, and that's when a foreign pair of lips met my own, sweet and soft and incredibly pleasant. 

Kissing is awkward.   
It's no joke and it's no surprise.   
Everyone knows it, whether or not you'd like to admit it you know it's true. 

Kissing Phil was no different, except for the fireworks. You actually feel them. It's like a burning, popping sensation in your belly and your brain and you feel tingly everywhere and the sensation just makes you wanna giggle in hysterics until you pass out. 

We sat there, and I was now straddling him, sitting on his lap, holding his face like it was mine, and pressing my forehead against his. 

"I know it's sudden but I love you." I heard him whisper. 

"I love you too."


	14. Epilogue

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Guys.....  
> Last chapter.  
> Thanks I'm gonna go kill my snail now.  
> School started for me today. I'm very proud of myself because I opened my locker on the first try everytime and I wasn't late for any of my classes. How are you guys doing? Anywho, grab some tissues, get a box of cookies, let's do this.  
> -A crying Scarlett (not really but whatever)

Married.  
Two boys, one girl.  
A house in Manchester.  
They still hadn't quit their jobs in YouTube, but were bound to retire soon. 

Daniel James Howell became Daniel James Lester-Howell and Philip Michael Lester became Philip Michael Lester-Howell. 

First a budding romance, full of shy pecks on the lips turned into a full on make out session every time they tugged their earlobe, and now a beautiful marriage. 

Don't get me wrong, everyone loves a happy ending, but sometimes you just have to have to truth. 

Dan and Phil were happy together, and their children loved them and vice versa. But years, years ago when they came out as gay and as a couple, they did get some shit, they got hate, they lost a chunk of subscribers and their views went down for a while, but you know what else they had?  
They had supporting viewers that would die for those men, though some of them had never even met them before. 

Dan and Phil had such an impact on YouTube and young men and women's lives and they had no idea. 

And what I say is true, crazy, and hilarious, but it is incredibly real. 

Because, those two men, that many people have been saved by, they lived. They were two separate people but they were so perfect together, they were joined at the hip. 

The man who was not on fire and the man who was amazing lived in harmony until the day they died, and left a legacy for the world around them to fall back on. The funny thing was; it all happened so suddenly.   
The end.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The end.  
> If you want more from me, go ahead and check out my wattpad (@thegingercowphan) and ask for one shots or imagines or whatever you want on here! Have fun, I'll see ya next time.  
> Ciao.  
> -Scarlett


	15. UPDATE! PLEASE READ!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> HI THIS WHOLE THING IS AN AUTHORS NOTE SO WHY THE HELL AM I DOING THIS

Hi! I'm back on this story because I wanna write another phanfiction, but I wanna do it request-style. I don't really use my tumblr and I don't have more than four followers on there so I figured I'd do it on here. 

If you want a oneshot or an imagine or whatever it is, please comment on here and I can whip it up for ya. I suck at writing smut but I'll write it if you keep bugging me to.   
(Not saying anyone has-just in case someone ever does, which I'd be cool with.)

So plllleeeeeeeeaaaaasssssse comment if you want a certain type of phanfiction (no crazy dirty 50 shades shit please) and I will try my best to write it as quickly and efficiently as possible!   
Thank you so much, and thank you all for over 800 reads!! I cannot express how exciting this is.   
Thank you so much, I love you all, and you're looking dapper as always.   
-Scarlett (moi)

**Author's Note:**

> Hi! I'm Scarlett! I'm new on AO3, but I've visited and everything, and I'm sort of obsessed with this one Phanfiction on here that I am constantly checking, so I just made an account to make it easier.  
> I like writing a lot, and I love playing music too. I have red hair and blue eyes and I play eight instruments, and I sing too. I love Dan and Phil, obviously, and I ship them even more than I ship Troyler, which I ship a lot...  
> Anywho, I hope you enjoy this story, and also, I tend to update every few days so don't worry about me updating, I do it a lot. ;)  
> Well, that's it. Thanks for reading! (PS- I love when people comment on my stories, so feel free to do so. Also, I don't love writing smut, but if you want me to I will. :/ )  
> EDIT- hiiiii um so this was the first phanfic I ever wrote.   
> I am sooooo much better at writing now, since it's a year and a half later, so yeah. Read my new fics after this one because it's a drastic difference yo


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